Everything you do and say conveys a message, but did you know that speaking only counts for a fraction of your communication efforts in a professional setting? And what’s more, your actions and tone pull more weight in difficult conversations, affecting how much your team trusts you. 

Whether you’re in the C-suite, climbing the corporate ladder, or just starting out, these conversations are inevitable, but learning to navigate them effectively with self-awareness, empathy, and grace can greatly improve your credibility and relationships with your leaders, peers, and direct reports. 

As a leader, you’re more likely to nurture strong relationships with your teams when your expressions and body language support the information you’re trying to share. Albert Mehrabian, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles, shares an insightful view of the relationship between body language and conversations. Mehrabian’s research focused on the congruence and contradictions between words and attitudes in emotionally charged conversations, like those focused on addressing mistakes, mediating conflict, and navigating differing opinions. For these types of conversations to be effective, three elements need to align: words, tone of voice, and facial expression or body language. These elements, illustrated by the 7-38-55 rule, create the overall impression that determines how much a listener is likely to trust, like, and be persuaded by a speaker: 

• Words: 7% 

• Tone of Voice: 38% 

• Facial Expression or Body Language: 55% 

His findings also revealed that specific contradictions between verbal and non-verbal cues, such as poor eye contact, fidgeting, and minimal facial expressions, can confuse or irritate the listener. 

Imagine speaking to a direct report about a critical project. Your direct report is concerned that the team is falling behind and is looking to you to provide guidance and support. You’re listening, but you’re receiving consistent Teams messages on the side. Your gaze shifts to the incoming messages and you only pick up portions of your direct report’s conversation. By allowing your attention and eye contact to move away from the task at hand, you’re signaling that you’re disinterested in and not prioritizing what they have to say. They may walk away from this conversation feeling dismissed or uncertain. In this case, your body language (55%) of the conversation contradicts your words (7%). 

Put Mehrabian’s theory into practice to ensure clear receipt of your messages. Follow these four body language tips to help you ace your next difficult conversation with confidence. 

Maintain eye contact. In a study published by the Journal of Personality and Individual Differences, people who turn their faces away during conversations are seen as less sincere. Maintaining eye contact shows you’re listening to and engaged with your conversation partner. 

Keep a tall, open posture. Slouching is a sign that you are not as confident, but a straight posture conveys self-esteem and interest. Like your mother said, “Sit up straight!” Avoid crossing your legs or arms—doing so may seem defensive.  

Calm your hand gestures. When they’re natural and not overly dramatic, hand gestures can emphasize important points. Talking with your hands in front of your face or holding your head or chin signals nervousness, insecurity, or disinterest.  

Create a firm virtual handshake. Difficult conversations can be even more difficult to conduct in a virtual environment. If you’re working with a remote team, mimic a traditional handshake by being just as professional online. Enter scheduled meetings on time, turn your camera on, and be intentional with your interactions. Incorporate a “thank you,” or “I appreciate your feedback” to convey active listening skills. 

It’s natural to feel nervous before a difficult conversation, but you can gain an edge by putting just as much thought into your tone and body language as your word choice. To boost your confidence even further, try adopting a power pose before the conversation begins in private. 

Pre-Discussion Power Pose: Stand with your feet slightly wider than shoulder-width apart, place your hands on your hips, lift your chin slightly, and maintain a tall, strong posture. Take three to five deep breaths, allowing yourself to feel confident and prepared. 

Try applying Mehrabian’s theory during your next difficult conversation and see how expanding your focus beyond words affects the outcome. By embodying the 7-38-55 rule, you present yourself as a persuasive speaker, an active listener, and an emotionally intelligent leader. With convincing words, the right tone, and aligned body language, you’re well on your way to mastering the art of leadership. 

About Emerald One

Emerald One, LLC is a 100% woman-owned small business focused on closing the gap between strategy and execution and specializes in digital transformation, resource value maximization, new asset alignment, and executive coaching and communication.

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